


change

by joohoneythighs



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, Sexual Assault, TW:, everyone is bad, im sorry, its Sunday im going to church, its the most ooc thing ever, poor joo, read to ur own risk, self blaming, sorry for ruining u guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-05-20 11:37:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6004492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joohoneythighs/pseuds/joohoneythighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cold air brushed against their skin as they ran freely. On that dark  night of Valentine's Day, outside wasn't the place to be. They should have been with their loved ones sharing chocolates or even cuddling, but they had no one but each other. Jooheon argued with his parents on the day before, and Minhyuk ran away from the violent hands of his father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. teen spirit

**Author's Note:**

> hi fella,
> 
> this work contains a lot of triggering content, such as sexual assault, death, etc. read the tags carefully cause this is your only warning.

([music](http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=5WLWPBoY1Z4#BANKS_-_Change_\(Live_Acoustic_Version\)))

 

The cold air brushed against their skin as they ran freely. On that dark night of Valentine's Day, outside wasn't the place to be. They should have been with their loved ones sharing chocolates or even cuddling, but they had no one but each other. Jooheon argued with his parents on the day before, and Minhyuk ran away from the violent hands of his father.

Jooheon held his hand a little tighter than usual.

"Where are we gonna go? I'll die if Mom finds out that I'm not in my room." For once, the younger one was genuinely afraid. He usually showed his fierce side, and hid his timid side to not worry the older male. At times, he just couldn't help it. No matter how many times he said he wanted to run away from his home, he never had the strength to go against his parents; even if Minhyuk promised to take care of him.

He followed Minhyuk since he entered high-school; clung to him every single day since that weird smiling male approached him. He couldn't remember why he came to him since he was was a pretty quiet kid back those days. Fingers constantly locked with each other, Jooheon was a victim of his own shyness. Minhyuk sat next to him and kindly offered him a bread out of the blue, along with a carton of strawberry milk. The younger gazed at him in confusion, but Minhyuk simply smiled. "Why are you looking at me like this? Aren't you going to eat it? I thought I shouldn't skip eating dinner with someone cute like you- are you new at school?" Jooheon bit his lower lip hardly, but still managed to answer his numerous questions. Nonetheless, after a few moments, the two males were into a deep conversation and were laughing together about just anything. As class was about to start, Minhyuk quickly kissed him goodbye before running to his class.

On that day, Jooheon massaged his cheek and smiled widely alone on his way home. He chuckled reminiscing his first encounter with Minhyuk.

Jooheon just found his first high-school friend.

The two grew closer quickly; sharing absolutely everything from their snacks to even their clothes. Jooheon often spent time after school at Minhyuk's place to study, but they rarely did study. That partially explained the sudden drop in his grades, and his mom was the first to notice. Jooheon didn't care; for once, he wasn't spending all his time and energy on studying only. As a top student, happiness was unknown but somehow tastier than he expected. Minhyuk filled his thoughts all day and overwhelmed his chest with that fuzzy warmth. At the older's sight, that wide smile and deep dimples never left his face.

Books were all over the floor along with half finished bags of chips and other snacks. On that day, Minhyuk's dad was away for the whole weekend, and important exams were coming up. Both of them on the couch, and Jooheon's head laid on the lap of the blond-haired male. He softly ran his fingers through his newly dyed red hair, to his greatest satisfaction. At his delicate touch, his fox-like eyes closed slowly, and his pink lips curled in a smirk. The older male puffed on the cigarette that was slowly consuming itself between his fingers. He then huffed deeply, slowly invading the small room with a grey and smelly smoke.

He smiled contentedly as he watched the red-headed male do the same; his fingers still running in his hair. Jooheon wasn't used to it, but he was still trying. His puffy cheeks were tainted with a subtle shade of pink, soon to match his locks. Minhyuk called it one of the greatest way to relax; "the greatest way to escape the bullshit happening from time to time."

Jooheon could tell that he had issues at home because he often noticed an unusual purple tint on his wrists and collarbones. Jooheon tried, more than once, to ask him about it but the older male only shook his head and laughed about it every single time. "My dad is stubborn, so sometimes we fight... But I always win. Don't worry about that." Jooheon nodded silently, and sucked again on the cigarette but harder than he did before. Without any surprise, he choked on the growing cloud of smoke in his mouth. His eyes were a little watery and now, his vision, blurry. Great.

Minhyuk bent down to huff the smoke out of his mouth. Lips brushing against each other, it was slowly consuming the red-headed male. Jooheon's eyes closed instantly and his entire body leaned forward. Goosebumps running all over his skin, he shivered briefly; trying to not make it too obvious to Minhyuk. He chuckled at his actions, and teased him even more. Slowly stroking the exposed skin of Jooheon's arm with his warm fingers, Minhyuk dominated the other male completely. Vague thoughts in his mind, a kiss was stolen from Jooheon's virgin lips.

Until now, it was still a very vivid memory in his head.

After that short and strong moment, Jooheon blindly gave himself entirely to him; he gave away to his feelings. His uniform blouse's buttons being undone one after the other, his still-clothed thighs being massaged in a manner he never experienced before. The youngster's eyes were still closed, and his lips were still connected to the other's. For the first time, he felt safe facing the unknown. Of course, Minhyuk was the one guiding him.

Jooheon moaned slightly at the sudden cold breeze as Minhyuk pulled him out of blouse and jeans. Laying there on his back and simply wearing his underwear still made him embarrassed; even though, it wasn't the first time Minhyuk had seen him like this. Changing clothes in gym class was a completely different situation. His cheeks were burning and his gaze moved to the side, unable to look at the older male as he removed his own clothing. Nonetheless, he slid out of his underwear himself as Minhyuk did.

In a single motion, Minhyuk turned Jooheon's body around on the couch, his back now facing him and the other male on top of it. His hands running up and down from his waist to the widest part of his hips; fingers softly stroking every single inch of it.

Jooheon gasped as the older's hand hardly groped the warm flesh of his thighs; "Argh, fuck—," Minhyuk groaned in a low and husky voice. He then felt a sharp but subtle pain as the blonde-haired male's hand quickly met his backside. Once, twice and soon enough, thrice. It was rather surprising, Minhyuk was cursing heavily under his breath; "acknowledging" the attractive shape of the other boy. Jooheon simply buried his head in closest cushion; too ashamed to look up at him. He then clenched his fists and tensed a little his body, in anticipation.


	2. eupraxia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so #gun released a new song so ive decided to update this thing more than 1.5 year or so later ahah jooheon has red hair in this (to give you an idea of how old it is, it’s the rush era my guy) 
> 
> since the first part was written 1.5 years ago, there might be some discontinuity. 
> 
> it was very hard to finish this story as I don’t condone sexual assault. however, I really wanted to finish it. It took me a total 90 hours to edit this document. 
> 
> listen banks’ change (acoustic) while reading (i linked in both of the chapters)
> 
> p.s.: if you need help in any shape, way or form, please get it. istg you won’t regret
> 
> p.s.s.: theres a spoiler in da comments- beware!!!

([music](http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=5WLWPBoY1Z4))

 

 

 

 

 

Minhyuk's fingers were tightly locked on his waist as he spread the youngster's legs slightly apart with his other free hand. The younger's breathing suddenly quickened with his heart beating louder. He couldn't tell what it was exactly, but something was bothering him. Probably it was the intense rays of light invading the room, he tried to convince himself.

 

He grabbed Minhyuk's arm without turning around to stop him, his face still against the pillow with an intoxicating mix of embarrassment and fear consuming his abdomen. Building in him that feeling; that feeling he knew too well. "The curtains, please-," he barely whispered out to the older male, before loosening his already weak grip on his forearm, "Hyung, please close them."

 

In the hopes of not seeing his expressions would make things better; make things not as foreign or even make things feel good.

 

Minhyuk groaned in frustration under his breath before rolling his eyes. Although, it was understandable. He was already pumped up and yet, he was almost ruining it by his unreasonable demands. The older male got up and closed both thick curtains of the room, assuring them the most complete privacy. But, Minhyuk left a small portion opened, the closest portion to youngest male. It filled the room with a warm dimmed light. Weak enough to forget they were doing it in the late afternoon.

 

The youngest breathed deeper, attempting to calm himself and not lose control.

 

"How many men played with that ass? Answer me," the older male asked, in fact whispered, in the lowest and huskiest tone as his warm fingers groped the soft skin of the red headed male's thighs. Jooheon was embarrassed to admit that he never had someone _properly_ "playing" with him, yes, he was a virgin- Yet, Jooheon was too shy to admit it to him until now. Though, deep down, despite the stress, he was glad Minhyuk was his first. It couldn’t be better. Right?

 

At his question, his face turned in an soft shade of red. "H-Hyung..." he said as he turned around to gaze at the older male over him. "There's only you," Jooheon managed to let out in probably the quietest voice, with the shyest smile on his rosy lips.

 

These words left his mouth and Minhyuk chuckled in satisfaction as if he already knew the answer. "Don't lie to me," he groaned, giving his ass another good spank. "You have everything to make a man go crazy. Your face, your body is perfection and your fucking thighs. You're so sensitive, I bet I can make you come just by stroking them" he growled, his fingers stroking the red and soft flesh of the youngest. "You look so good to be fucked right now."

 

/////

 

"We've been going out together for awhile now. Don't you think we should do it? It's a very normal thing, everybody does it."

 

Jooheon half nodded, not sure if he had to believe his words or not. However, it has been awhile Gunhee and him were going out together. Being his first boyfriend, he didn't know much of what to expect from each other. Deep inside, something was holding him back; something he had the vague impression Gunhee wouldn't bother to try to understand. The feeling wasn't right.

 

Jooheon reached for his shirt, undoing one button after the other very carefully. Probably too slow for the other male who was becoming impatient. He longed for that moment to happen for a very long time, much longer than Jooheon could even imagine.

 

It didn't take long for Gunhee to get naked, while Jooheon took his time. His moves were uncertain and somehow a little clumsy, as if he had forgotten how to undress.

 

They were standing exposed in front of each other. Gunhee's eyes were travelling up and down, right to left, examining every inch of the other male's skin. It was pale and had a soft pink tint to it. Jooheon's body was far from being the most muscular Gunhee had seen. However, it was perfect as it was. His muscles were toned enough to be seen, but not enough to stand out too much. Gunhee couldn't get his head around it, but it looked delicate. His skin was also blemish-free and smooth like a newborn. One thing was sure, it looked delicious.

 

Gunhee leaned over and touched him first, his fingertips brushing the dewy skin of his arms and his lips hungrily attacking his neck, quickly switching to his lips. Pushing him so he could lay on his back, he never let go of his lips. They were sweet and he'd never get tired of them.

 

His touch then slid down to his thighs, feeling every little part of skin of them. Gunhee always wanted to fondle them, and it was much better than he imagined. "Fuck- Jooheon-ah they're amazing." Jooheon twitched at his rough touch, little moans escaping his lips. He never really understood why the other male had a thing for his legs, they were never something special to himself.

 

He turned his head to the side as the growing embarrassment showered his skin pink.

 

“I’m going in,” Gunhee said, breathless and slicked two of his fingers and didn't waste any time entering one in him. Jooheon felt breath cut short for a moment. He wasn't anticipating that kind of feeling at all. Seeing the expression on Gunhee's face, he tried his best to bare it as much as he could. Jooheon was willing to at least try for the sake of their relationship.

 

At first.

 

However, it became harder when he entered another finger, his motion inside him becoming hard to describe. That weird feeling started growing in him, one thing was sure, he wanted it out.

 

"G-Gunhee... I- argh! Please wait-" He whimpered, his body clenching all over. In fact, he was going too fast for him to keep up. Deaf to everything else, Gunhee had a single thing in mind. At this point, despite their different motivations, none of them were going to hold back. Jooheon knew either way he was going to lose something. Now, he simply had to choose the least painful option. "Wait, Gunhee-" Jooheon pleaded, louder this time as he reached for his shoulders, pushing him away.

 

The brown-haired male frowned and unleashed a strength that was unknown to Jooheon yet, pinning down both of his wrists with a single hand onto the bed. His gaze shifted; something dangerous lit up in Gunhee's eyes. Jooheon could barely recognize him anymore. No, it wasn't the Gunhee he knew in front of him.

 

"For fuck's sake, stay still. It won't last long." His grip on him only got tighter as he lined himself with Jooheon. He knew he wasn't prepared enough, but it was better to get it over as soon as possible.

 

His vision blurred by tears, Jooheon tried his best fighting the brown-haired male off him. Kicking left, kicking right, moving his body in any way possible. He wasn’t as strong as Gunhee, but it was enough to startle him. He loosened his grip for less than a second and Jooheon was already out of his reach.

 

The headboard felt cold against his naked back, much colder than he remembered. The only sound he could hear was his erratic breathing. Even his beating heart went silent, along with Gunhee’s. Tears ran down his face without a single sob.

 

They stared at each other for minutes, for hours maybe. He didn’t understand anything in Gunhee’s eyes. He saw guilt, anger, sadness, but couldn’t say a word.

 

“You,” Gunhee said, breaking the silence.

 

Jooheon clutched on the thin sheets covering his naked body, shivering.

 

“You never really loved me, did you?”

 

The silence now broken, Jooheon felt his throat tighten at his words. He wanted to scream at him, telling him it wasn’t true at all, but nothing made sense. Why was he making such short conclusions? Gunhee was the one hurting him, not the other way around.

 

Right?

 

The brown-haired male got off the commodious bed and quickly collected all his clothing. He didn’t bother looking Jooheon twice as he made his way to the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him with a loud bang.

 

The walls started moving around him. The closed window somehow sucked all the air out the cramped room, or maybe it was Gunhee’s hands on his neck choking him. He couldn’t tell, but he wasn’t able to breathe anymore. His chest started hurting like an imminent heart attack. Although, the only thing he could see was that closed door. He tried looking away, the window, the undone bedsheets, his own distant reflection, everything else black.

 

_Bang!_

 

The bathroom’s door opened in a single motion just like the first time. Gunhee came out, all dressed with his backpack in hand. He didn’t bother putting his sneakers back on and exited the room.

 

He exited Jooheon’s life at the same time.

 

//

 

Minhyuk’s hands on him felt familiar. They were sickening, but warm.

 

“Relax, being so tense isn’t going to help at all,” Minhyuk ordered him.

 

His tone didn’t match his actions. Jooheon swore he heard his sweet old friend Minhyuk talking to him. He sounded a little cold, but it was him for sure. However, he felt Gunhee against his skin. He felt his unknown roughness; he felt his confidence. Everything he was doing was right. Error wasn’t part of him.

 

A cold shiver ran in his entire body. No, it wasn’t Gunhee. It was Minhyuk. He breathed deeper, trying to evacuate these thoughts out of his head. “It’s my imagination again,” he supposed, just like the many nightmares he had for months.

 

In those nightmares, Gunhee would show love for everything else but him.

 

“Your hair is soft,” he’d say, at first, as he kept running his fingers into the youngster’s locks. Gunhee would enjoy his sent as well. He’d say Jooheon always had a honeyed and gentle smell, no matter the time of the day. However, he enjoyed it more when he was sweaty. “It gets sweeter,” he muffled his face in his neck, his lips against his sensitive spot, “you smell like peaches. Well, you actually look like a peach too.” There, he was going after his skin. Rosy, soft, etc. Jooheon was made of soft curves; it went from his body to his face. He looked comfy and cuddly, radiating with warmth.

 

Despite his words, Gunhee would handle him cold. His grip was always too strong and his words would turn harsh. He perceived the youngest’s refusal of him as a challenge. Deep down, he _knew_ Jooheon wanted to be manhandled.

 

“Lift your hips,” Minhyuk ordered.

 

The sudden splash of lube was cold.

 

“Ah, I know you want it rough, don’t deny it”

 

He lined himself with him.

 

//

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your body was nice, now, get out,” Gunhee said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

//

 

“Jooheonie! Mommy and Daddy aren’t home yet, you’re lucky. You got the right timing.” Jooheon smiled weakly at his younger brother, Changkyun, the most precious human being in his eyes. As he patted his head, he felt a tad nostalgic. He remembered when his dear brother was much younger and smaller; when he couldn’t reach his hip height. He was full of spirit and adorable. Changkyun hugged Jooheon’s waist playfully, with his red car toy in hand.

 

“You’re right Changkyun-ah, hyung is lucky. Imagine if Dad saw me coming home so late,” Jooheon humorously mimics a shiver of fear, earning a laugh from Changkyun. “I’d be served as dinner tonight,” the two boys laugh together at his remark.

 

However, Changkyun shakes his head. “It’s okay, you were studying with Minhyuk-hyung right? It’s alright if it’s for school Daddy said. It’s better than me because all I do is play all day.”

 

Jooheon suddenly feels his chest tighten at his younger brother’s words and he gets a little dizzy. However, he doesn’t let it show on his face. Instead, his gaze moves the red car Changkyun had in his hands. It was the gift he gave him for his fourth birthday. To this day, he was still amazed at how well he took care of this toy when Changkyun was known as an infamous toy breaker. He sure liked it very much, Jooheon thought.

 

He points the toy with a faint smile on his face, “you were playing with this all day?” Changkyun nods, smiling brightly. “Yes! When I play with this car, I feel like you’re playing with me hyung.” Jooheon felt grateful, but sorry at the same time. He sat down at his level, his hand muffling his hair.

 

Jooheon draw him into a tight hug, patting his back. Since he entered high-school, he’d spend less time with his little brother. He sure tried his absolute best every single day to, at least, play with him. However, he never thought he was doing enough for him whom was giving him an endless amount of love and admiration everyday. He was never doing enough for his younger brother whom was waiting for him everyday, even when he was coming home late.

 

“Changkyun-ah, I’m sorry I couldn’t play with you today. I should’ve been here for you. It’s my fault, I’m sorry,” Jooheon said resting his head on the youngster’s shoulder. His words felt like a dagger to his own chest because it was the _only_ truth. Tears lingered at the edge of his eyes, but he couldn’t cry. He had to be strong for his little brother.

 

“It’s alright Jooheonie, you have to go to school. Mommy said school can be hard with all the homework and exams. It’s not too bad, I have Matthew with me,” he points at his favorite plush toy, a big orange tiger. “He always plays with me, so I’m never bored,” Changkyun says proudly.

 

Jooheon melted a little, he was the cutest. At his words, he raised an eyebrow, “so, you’re saying Matthew is better than me? Hyung is hurt---” he tickled his stomach, making the youngest explode with laughter.

 

“You’re home so can we play now?” Changkyun said, laughing. Jooheon nodded, letting him go of his tight embrace. He showcased the brightest grin he could, and stood up. “Changkyun-ah, give me five minutes so I can change into my pajamas and get ready! Hyung is feeling competitive today!”

 

All they did was play with Changkyun’s toys and watch TV for hours. The mood was light-hearted and fun. He always knew how to put a smile on Jooheon’s face, even with his smallest actions. He helped Jooheon cook dinner, some ramyeon, Changkyun’s favorite. He helped cleaning the dishes as well. When their parents came back home, Jooheon was reading a story to him on the living room’s couch. The youngster was trying his best to follow, but he yawned repeatedly. Couldn’t help it though, it was already past 10 o’clock.

 

“Jooheon! Why is Changkyun still up? It’s too late for him to play at this hour,” his mother groaned. “Make him brush his teeth and put him to bed.”

 

//

 

“Aren’t you going to bed? You need energy for tomorrow,” Changkyun asked him, half asleep.

 

Jooheon shook his head, “no, I need to take a bath first, then, I’ll go to bed.” He gave his forehead a kiss before fixing his duvet. “On the other hand, you’re the one who needs lots of energy for tomorrow.” He ruffled his hair, showcasing a warm smile.

 

He got up to turn the lights off, leaving Changkyun’s night light as the only source of light in his room.

 

“Goodnight hyung,” Changkyun softly said, waving at Jooheon.

 

Jooheon threw one last look at his younger brother.

 

“Goodnight.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i won't lie, i teared up writing this.
> 
> please leave a comment if you enjoyed it or hated it. itd mean the world to me. 
> 
> thank you and have a wonderful day <3


End file.
